In ancient Hebrew wisdom, I came to understand that the Soul, the Neshamah, is the part of us which is made of Divine Essence and is always in contact with God. This is the part within us which is latent in most people.
The Soul decides to embark on a journey of growth and uses an incarnation as a vehicle to do this. The Soul is the real Self. Some call this aspect of us, the Higher Self, the Divine Self or the Holy Guardian Angel. My body and this life is the vehicle chosen by my Soul to do development, by learning its lessons. I have come to the conclusion that the “me”, the lower self is just the ego. It is of actually of very little consequence to the Soul. Ultimately the ego will surrender totally to the Soul, the Higher Self, whether it happens in this life or the next.
So what happens to us then? I discovered that I have been Awakened. After 30 years in the Charismatic church where I served as Worship leader for over 20 years, I became so desperate for God. I found myself meditating for 10 mins in 2004 per day for the very first time. In 2005 I felt God asking me to give up all I had going for me in the church, my affiliation and music ministry etc.
In 2006 I began reading (by Divine Guidance) books that the church would ordinarily frown upon, like the Book of Enoch, the Esoteric books on the Tree of Life, the Lost books of Moses and Occult books of Solomon to name a few. There was something there my Soul obviously needed for its own development. My meditations became part of a Daily routine and I found it is central to my spiritual practice. I thought about this and realised what was happening to me.
When one experiences an Awakening, it is when the Soul Consciousness recognises itself and realises who he is. This happens on the Sphere on the Tree of Life referred to as Kether, the Crown where God’s name is Eheyeh (I AM). When the I AM-ness began to stir in my soul, I found myself embarking on my true spiritual path. My years in the church had to be left behind me. The deceptions and church doctrines had to be left behind.
The Soul now has one goal. The “I AM” need to develop and defeat the “me”. I had to come to a place of understanding that me, the lower self, is just an illusion. I find myself in a very different place and path than 5 years ago. My Soul has been steering and directing my choices. I had become a vegetarian, I am no longer following church doctrine or religious practises, I believe in things I previously thought was hogwash, like astrology and reincarnation.
My life has been transformed. I will remain on this accelerated path for as long as my Soul requires it from me. I thought about this for a while. How do we become “awakened”? Some people awaken spontaneously. Some people try meditation and awaken as a result. I have a guided meditation which produces the result of an awakening. I suppose it can happen that way too. But I recall someone saying to me that if God does not call forth your Soul to awaken, you just won’t. I wondered if that is why people who are atheists and agnostics are so anti-God. Perhaps it is just not their time yet and they know it.
Perhaps their souls know that it was not planned for them to awakening within this lifetime, but only on the next or the one after. Who knows?
Something else I know about the “I AM” consciousness is that the Hebrew Name of God not only implies Self-awareness, but it also means I BECOME THAT WHICH I BECOME. There is an aspect of evolving, of maturing and developing involved. This does imply a measure of change that takes place within the individual. As one grows and changes within, the Inner Light of the Divine also begins to shine brighter and brighter. You begin to see others who are growing and others who have awakened also become aware of you in close proximity.
And I realise also there are many more people who have awakened, more than ever in history. Unfortunately however, there are millions who follow the church path and think, by following Jesus as Lord and Saviour, they are awakened. They think they are in the light, while in reality; they are still stumbling around in darkness. Church and religion generally has been designed to keep ignorant people in ignorance.
What is the deep cry of your Soul to you today? Is their a deep cry, a groan within you to be awakened from your slumber? Do you know how to respond to this cry? Remember this one thing, all you need for your Soul Development, you will find within yourself and not in church teachings or doctrines. There is an integration that must take place between the Divine within and the physical, the outer self. Here the outer surrenders to the will and lordship of the Divine within.
The Gospel of Thomas makes a few interesting statements on this regard:
Jesus said, "If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the Kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the Kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."
Jesus saw infants being suckled. He said to his disciples, "These infants being suckled are like those who enter the Kingdom."
They said to him, "Shall we then, as children, enter the Kingdom?"
Jesus said to them, "When you make the two one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the above like the below, and when you make the male and the female one and the same, so that the male not be male nor the female female; and when you fashion eyes in place of an eye, and a hand in place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, and a likeness in place of a likeness; then will you enter the Kingdom."
Wednesday 7 October 2009
Tuesday 15 September 2009
Life in the Spirit
“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit”
This is a quote from the Bible I often heard in sermons, and often used when I dealt with people in my capacity a Home cell Leader and Worship Team Leader. Its so often used that it has become a buzzword. But no one really understood what they were talking about. Due to the nature of the dogmatic mindsets, we find that we interpret quotes and other scripture in a way that suits us, mostly through they filters of the Charismatic Church.
What is Life in the Spirit? Someone even wrote a book call “The Language of Spirit”. But there is not really any indication of the practical side of a statement such as this. We like to hear the fluff, and the buzzwords, but never get down to actually discovering the truth about this life and how to learn its language.
I read a book by Greg Braden on the Secret lost mode of Prayer, which opened up a whole new level of understanding to me. Since I prayed for more revelation and greater understanding, I suppose, I began to receive it. I discovered that we here in the realm of space and time communicate by sound which travels through air. That is why we hear. But Spirit resides in a realm beyond Space and time, where there are no words, no speech or sentences. Speaking in tongues does not work. God is also clear in the Bible about this. Prophets got their messages often in Visions and Dreams. An image or a picture is impressed upon the Mind of the person. He then conveys that image or person to others in the Space-Time realm with words and speech. In order to speak back to Spirit, we need to learn the art of visualisation, and working with our feelings.
The Bible does say that Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. I did something many years ago. I set up a Midi home recording studio with some musical instruments. I wanted some more pieces of equipment, and I used to read magazines describing what new keyboards were out. I decided on what I wanted, then cut out the pictures and the names of those instruments, and stick the pictures up on my wall. Within 2 years I found I had all those instruments. They found their way into my studio. Jacob in the Bible did a similar thing while working for Laban. Laban said Jacob could have all the spotted and streaked livestock as payment. Jacob then placed the bark of trees in the drinking troughs, where the livestock then looked at the streaks while drinking water. They then had more offspring that were spotted and streaked! It impressed an image on the minds of the livestock, and Jacob increased in wealth!
Looking at those pictures regularly, impressed an image on my mind, I believed by feeling the feeling of actually working with them and having them. And so I obtained them. And so I began learning the language of Spirit. Visualise and generate the appropriate feeling. Back then there was no “The Secret” or the “Law of Attraction”. I did what I felt was the right thing to do. Looking back at this I realise now the importance of learning this language, interpreting its symbols, and converting images as I receive them from Spirit into words and messages which I can understand. It is still an ongoing process.
I look at some of the recurring dreams I used to get. One of those dreams would be that I am at a banquet or big dinner. There are lots of lovely dishes and I am to just help myself and dish up. But found that my mouth is stuffed with steel wool. It was blocking my mouth and I had to first unblock it by removing the steel wool. For years I kept getting this dream. I had no idea what it meant until about 2 years ago. It was revealed to me that the food at the banquet was spiritual food. My mouth and throat was being blocked by junk and garbage church teachings of over 20 years. In my dream I took out big lumps and there was always more coming out. I had lots to unlearn and discard in terms of my dogmatic beliefs. The dreams have stopped. Now there is another recurring dream which involves me travelling to a location of a gathering or conference, and getting myself settled in at my sleeping quarters/room and preparing to attend workshops the next day. I am working on it interpreting that.
And so I continued to work with meditations. Meditation is in one sense about becoming quiet in my mind in order to connect with God. One can never hear the voice of God when you live a life that is too busy, too stressed, too hectic. One has to learn to become relaxed, to quiet the babbling of the mind and open up your awareness to the Presence of God. Then in my guided meditation I visualize the Presence of God surrounding me like clouds of small particles of Light Energy. I visualise myself as a being of Light and when I breathe in, I absorb the Light Energy of God, and becoming brighter and brighter. The presence of God as a Light moves within me and I visualise how it flows from my crown through my body down to my feet, and I expand and expand and grow in my meditation until I stand looking at the solar system. The stars surround me. I become a pillar of Divine Light, and feel the warmth and the glow of the Light of God flowing through me. It is a powerful and energising experience.
And so I learned how to practise the Presence of God by doing this meditation. It is done using a language that is used in the Spiritual realm. This is the language of Spirit. And by doing this work in the Spirit, it produces an impact on my life here in the realm of space and time. I am more aware, more balanced and more awake in every sense of the word.
This is a quote from the Bible I often heard in sermons, and often used when I dealt with people in my capacity a Home cell Leader and Worship Team Leader. Its so often used that it has become a buzzword. But no one really understood what they were talking about. Due to the nature of the dogmatic mindsets, we find that we interpret quotes and other scripture in a way that suits us, mostly through they filters of the Charismatic Church.
What is Life in the Spirit? Someone even wrote a book call “The Language of Spirit”. But there is not really any indication of the practical side of a statement such as this. We like to hear the fluff, and the buzzwords, but never get down to actually discovering the truth about this life and how to learn its language.
I read a book by Greg Braden on the Secret lost mode of Prayer, which opened up a whole new level of understanding to me. Since I prayed for more revelation and greater understanding, I suppose, I began to receive it. I discovered that we here in the realm of space and time communicate by sound which travels through air. That is why we hear. But Spirit resides in a realm beyond Space and time, where there are no words, no speech or sentences. Speaking in tongues does not work. God is also clear in the Bible about this. Prophets got their messages often in Visions and Dreams. An image or a picture is impressed upon the Mind of the person. He then conveys that image or person to others in the Space-Time realm with words and speech. In order to speak back to Spirit, we need to learn the art of visualisation, and working with our feelings.
The Bible does say that Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. I did something many years ago. I set up a Midi home recording studio with some musical instruments. I wanted some more pieces of equipment, and I used to read magazines describing what new keyboards were out. I decided on what I wanted, then cut out the pictures and the names of those instruments, and stick the pictures up on my wall. Within 2 years I found I had all those instruments. They found their way into my studio. Jacob in the Bible did a similar thing while working for Laban. Laban said Jacob could have all the spotted and streaked livestock as payment. Jacob then placed the bark of trees in the drinking troughs, where the livestock then looked at the streaks while drinking water. They then had more offspring that were spotted and streaked! It impressed an image on the minds of the livestock, and Jacob increased in wealth!
Looking at those pictures regularly, impressed an image on my mind, I believed by feeling the feeling of actually working with them and having them. And so I obtained them. And so I began learning the language of Spirit. Visualise and generate the appropriate feeling. Back then there was no “The Secret” or the “Law of Attraction”. I did what I felt was the right thing to do. Looking back at this I realise now the importance of learning this language, interpreting its symbols, and converting images as I receive them from Spirit into words and messages which I can understand. It is still an ongoing process.
I look at some of the recurring dreams I used to get. One of those dreams would be that I am at a banquet or big dinner. There are lots of lovely dishes and I am to just help myself and dish up. But found that my mouth is stuffed with steel wool. It was blocking my mouth and I had to first unblock it by removing the steel wool. For years I kept getting this dream. I had no idea what it meant until about 2 years ago. It was revealed to me that the food at the banquet was spiritual food. My mouth and throat was being blocked by junk and garbage church teachings of over 20 years. In my dream I took out big lumps and there was always more coming out. I had lots to unlearn and discard in terms of my dogmatic beliefs. The dreams have stopped. Now there is another recurring dream which involves me travelling to a location of a gathering or conference, and getting myself settled in at my sleeping quarters/room and preparing to attend workshops the next day. I am working on it interpreting that.
And so I continued to work with meditations. Meditation is in one sense about becoming quiet in my mind in order to connect with God. One can never hear the voice of God when you live a life that is too busy, too stressed, too hectic. One has to learn to become relaxed, to quiet the babbling of the mind and open up your awareness to the Presence of God. Then in my guided meditation I visualize the Presence of God surrounding me like clouds of small particles of Light Energy. I visualise myself as a being of Light and when I breathe in, I absorb the Light Energy of God, and becoming brighter and brighter. The presence of God as a Light moves within me and I visualise how it flows from my crown through my body down to my feet, and I expand and expand and grow in my meditation until I stand looking at the solar system. The stars surround me. I become a pillar of Divine Light, and feel the warmth and the glow of the Light of God flowing through me. It is a powerful and energising experience.
And so I learned how to practise the Presence of God by doing this meditation. It is done using a language that is used in the Spiritual realm. This is the language of Spirit. And by doing this work in the Spirit, it produces an impact on my life here in the realm of space and time. I am more aware, more balanced and more awake in every sense of the word.
Monday 14 September 2009
Turn of the Seasons
I have always had a burden for the lost of humanity. I have had a burden for our city and for the gay community in London. I would spend many a Saturday in Soho handing out leaflets and invitations for the guys walking in the streets to come and attend our services at the MCC.
As you would expect, most of them were not interested. And I was driven by a sense of urgency within me that burned like a fire in my soul. If only they could experience the Presence of God as I have experienced it. They would never be the same again. Deep within I was still the fundamental hardcore Charismatic.
We believe that the Bible is the total and complete Word of God. It gives all the answers to all the questions we face in life. We believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father, having atoned for humanity with the sacrifice He made on the cross. Those who reject this gift of salvation would be destined for eternal hell. That is what I could not bear. Those poor souls burning eternally in hell, and the thought of it drove me to tears.
I remember getting home one day and falling down on my knees in tears before God. I had exhausted all my knowledge. Every teaching and Bible verse I had available and it was still not enough. I felt something was missing. I had nothing to offer, to give to help these people, because I was lost too. I was seeking Truth and for the first time I realised that if I had the whole Truth my life would not have been so ordinary. I would heal the sick and raise the dead and deal with injustice towards the poor and needy, and I realised that there was something they were not telling us. This was in the latter part of 2005. I still attended a conference with Grace Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, in September.
That prayer was the turning point in my walk with God. I asked God to show me what was missing. I was desperate for more of God and only God knew my heart at that moment. I was reading a lot of prophetic books by people like Jim Goll, Rick Joyner and Chuck Pierce.
In October 2005 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I also became redundant at work. This provided an opportunity for me to have brain surgery and spend my time seeking, and praying while recovering. God asked me to give up the church and my connection with mainstream Christianity. This was heavy for me as it was all I knew all my life. But it had to go and I obeyed.
I also felt compelled to spend some time doing what I know as waiting on the Lord, which is known otherwise as meditation. I began to do a guided meditation daily, and this was without any prior research on what meditation was.
After surgery in 2005, I spent 2 months at home doing this, and I found a contracting job, which enable me to work at home for 2 months early in 2006. This was ideal, as it would allow me to continue doing some of that meditation bits again. And it was during this time that I discovered books like the Nag Hammadi Library, and the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Book of Enoch, and the Essene Gospels of Peace.
So I discovered Jesus was a leader of the Essene sect, and they did not limit their study to the Torah, but also studied astrology, the Tree of Life, Gematria and believed in reincarnation. This was a far cry from my traditional thinking, and I had to change my wineskins.
I had much work to do. I started a new job in July 2006, and in my new position I was able to order the books and began to study the Tree of Life and Essene material. I worked through the books of Israel Regardie on the Tree of Life, and in 2007 began to do meditations suitable for this. It required studying the Sepher Yetzirah, the spheres of emanation of God, and I learned about the Archangels, the orders of angels and how this is all connected to Astrology and the Tarot Card deck. I discovered what Jesus meant when He preached that we should seek first the Kingdom. The Kingdom has always been the 10th sphere in the Tree of Life, and only the church in the 4th century redefined it in order to blind us and keep us in ignorance. We were wandering in a spiritual desert for centuries.
The Church of Constantine popes and bishops secretly knew the esoteric side of God, the Tarot Card system, meditation, The Tree of Life but the masses were forbidden to study it. They labelled this as the occult and associated it with devil worhip and satanism, thus using fear to keep people away from it. Today images of the Tarot Card Deck decorate the ceilings of the Cistene Chapel in the Vatican. Michael Angelo painted those works of art there.
This discovery was a shocking one. It took me about a week to recover from the sickening sensation I felt. It was devastating to know that a Path I followed and believed for so long, was in the end a lie. The seasons were turning and I found myself becoming more and more aware of my own spirituality. The meditations were working and my consciousness was expanding.
As you would expect, most of them were not interested. And I was driven by a sense of urgency within me that burned like a fire in my soul. If only they could experience the Presence of God as I have experienced it. They would never be the same again. Deep within I was still the fundamental hardcore Charismatic.
We believe that the Bible is the total and complete Word of God. It gives all the answers to all the questions we face in life. We believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father, having atoned for humanity with the sacrifice He made on the cross. Those who reject this gift of salvation would be destined for eternal hell. That is what I could not bear. Those poor souls burning eternally in hell, and the thought of it drove me to tears.
I remember getting home one day and falling down on my knees in tears before God. I had exhausted all my knowledge. Every teaching and Bible verse I had available and it was still not enough. I felt something was missing. I had nothing to offer, to give to help these people, because I was lost too. I was seeking Truth and for the first time I realised that if I had the whole Truth my life would not have been so ordinary. I would heal the sick and raise the dead and deal with injustice towards the poor and needy, and I realised that there was something they were not telling us. This was in the latter part of 2005. I still attended a conference with Grace Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, in September.
That prayer was the turning point in my walk with God. I asked God to show me what was missing. I was desperate for more of God and only God knew my heart at that moment. I was reading a lot of prophetic books by people like Jim Goll, Rick Joyner and Chuck Pierce.
In October 2005 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I also became redundant at work. This provided an opportunity for me to have brain surgery and spend my time seeking, and praying while recovering. God asked me to give up the church and my connection with mainstream Christianity. This was heavy for me as it was all I knew all my life. But it had to go and I obeyed.
I also felt compelled to spend some time doing what I know as waiting on the Lord, which is known otherwise as meditation. I began to do a guided meditation daily, and this was without any prior research on what meditation was.
After surgery in 2005, I spent 2 months at home doing this, and I found a contracting job, which enable me to work at home for 2 months early in 2006. This was ideal, as it would allow me to continue doing some of that meditation bits again. And it was during this time that I discovered books like the Nag Hammadi Library, and the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Book of Enoch, and the Essene Gospels of Peace.
So I discovered Jesus was a leader of the Essene sect, and they did not limit their study to the Torah, but also studied astrology, the Tree of Life, Gematria and believed in reincarnation. This was a far cry from my traditional thinking, and I had to change my wineskins.
I had much work to do. I started a new job in July 2006, and in my new position I was able to order the books and began to study the Tree of Life and Essene material. I worked through the books of Israel Regardie on the Tree of Life, and in 2007 began to do meditations suitable for this. It required studying the Sepher Yetzirah, the spheres of emanation of God, and I learned about the Archangels, the orders of angels and how this is all connected to Astrology and the Tarot Card deck. I discovered what Jesus meant when He preached that we should seek first the Kingdom. The Kingdom has always been the 10th sphere in the Tree of Life, and only the church in the 4th century redefined it in order to blind us and keep us in ignorance. We were wandering in a spiritual desert for centuries.
The Church of Constantine popes and bishops secretly knew the esoteric side of God, the Tarot Card system, meditation, The Tree of Life but the masses were forbidden to study it. They labelled this as the occult and associated it with devil worhip and satanism, thus using fear to keep people away from it. Today images of the Tarot Card Deck decorate the ceilings of the Cistene Chapel in the Vatican. Michael Angelo painted those works of art there.
This discovery was a shocking one. It took me about a week to recover from the sickening sensation I felt. It was devastating to know that a Path I followed and believed for so long, was in the end a lie. The seasons were turning and I found myself becoming more and more aware of my own spirituality. The meditations were working and my consciousness was expanding.
That woman Jezebel
So in 2001 I arrived in London. I had never had a desire to come here, but went to Cape Town as I felt I needed to find myself in a place where I can begin my life anew. While walking on the beach I felt God saying to me, I needed to prepare my wings to fly.
A few months later I was in London. I started to look for work right away, but then the attack on the Twin Towers happened and I struggled to find work for a number of months. I was dating a lovely guy at the time that supported me until I got sorted. But then I did not attend church anywhere, and felt that God was saying to me “for you to get back on your feet you need to get down on your knees.” I joined an MCC church in North London, Camden Town and felt free to worship. I bought a Keyboard, and offered to lead the evening service worship. I served as pianist/singer etc until 2005 there.
In that time I discovered that it is actually OK with God to be gay and still be on a path as a seeker of Truth in a spiritual home such as the church. I undertook the mission to study the Bible on the issue of homosexuality and found how there were many discrepancies in translations. I saw how Mainstream Christianity used the Bible to clobber gay people by misquoting translation errors. And I felt that this was a great injustice. In 2005 I attended a conference at the Tab in Long Beach, Los Angeles, and here Rev Jim Morgan explained how the spirit of Jezebel had a personal vendetta against gay people. She robs us (and the rest of humanity) from our Harvest and Divine inheritance in the same way she robbed Naboth of his inheritance (the vineyard he inherited from his ancestors) and his harvest (which his vineyard produces every year).
There is an interesting prophetic promise recorded in Rev 2:
Rev 2:20 But I have a few things against you because you allow that woman Jezebel to teach, she saying herself to be a prophetess, and to cause My servants to go astray, and to commit fornication, and to eat idol-sacrifices.
Rev 2:21 And I gave her time that she might repent of her fornication, and she did not repent. Rev 2:22 Behold, I am throwing her into a bed, and those who commit adultery with her into great affliction, unless they repent of their deeds.
Rev 2:23 And I will kill her children with death. And all the churches will know that I am He who searches the reins and hearts, and I will give to every one of you according to your works. Rev 2:24 But to you I say, and to the rest in Thyatira, as many as do not have this doctrine, and who have not known the depths of Satan, as they speak, I will put on you no other burden.
Rev 2:25 But that which you have, hold fast until I come.
Rev 2:26 And he who overcomes and keeps My works to the end, to him I will give power over the nations.
It was becoming clear to me that God had a plan, and it involved gay people. She was killed by the eunuchs in the Old Testament, and they will again feature to remove her from the scene. Eunuchs are a prophetic type and shadow of the wider gay community. Isaiah recorded some powerful promises to the eunuchs who walk with God. I saw that for as long as we tolerate Jezebel, we will continue to be robbed as a whole.
I saw how that the Roman Centurion went to Jesus with the request to heal his “Pais”, his lover, which became translated as servant. I saw how the Gospel of Mark was modified to remove the accurate account of John Lazarus being raised from the dead. He was gay and it comes across in a number of clues. This portion was removed by an early church father, Clement of Alexandria and is today known as Secret Mark and can be researched at your own leisure.
I also saw how a book called Jasher, ch 18/19 gives a detailed account of what really happened at the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. And I was astounded to discover it had absolutely nothing to do with homosexuality. God judged them for their pride and lack of hospitality toward the poor and needy.
It was a very liberating journey thus far. It restored my confidence in my walk with God. God never judges us and pushes us away for any reason. But in 2005 things were going to change. And this was paving the way for the transformation I experienced during 2006 – 2008.
A few months later I was in London. I started to look for work right away, but then the attack on the Twin Towers happened and I struggled to find work for a number of months. I was dating a lovely guy at the time that supported me until I got sorted. But then I did not attend church anywhere, and felt that God was saying to me “for you to get back on your feet you need to get down on your knees.” I joined an MCC church in North London, Camden Town and felt free to worship. I bought a Keyboard, and offered to lead the evening service worship. I served as pianist/singer etc until 2005 there.
In that time I discovered that it is actually OK with God to be gay and still be on a path as a seeker of Truth in a spiritual home such as the church. I undertook the mission to study the Bible on the issue of homosexuality and found how there were many discrepancies in translations. I saw how Mainstream Christianity used the Bible to clobber gay people by misquoting translation errors. And I felt that this was a great injustice. In 2005 I attended a conference at the Tab in Long Beach, Los Angeles, and here Rev Jim Morgan explained how the spirit of Jezebel had a personal vendetta against gay people. She robs us (and the rest of humanity) from our Harvest and Divine inheritance in the same way she robbed Naboth of his inheritance (the vineyard he inherited from his ancestors) and his harvest (which his vineyard produces every year).
There is an interesting prophetic promise recorded in Rev 2:
Rev 2:20 But I have a few things against you because you allow that woman Jezebel to teach, she saying herself to be a prophetess, and to cause My servants to go astray, and to commit fornication, and to eat idol-sacrifices.
Rev 2:21 And I gave her time that she might repent of her fornication, and she did not repent. Rev 2:22 Behold, I am throwing her into a bed, and those who commit adultery with her into great affliction, unless they repent of their deeds.
Rev 2:23 And I will kill her children with death. And all the churches will know that I am He who searches the reins and hearts, and I will give to every one of you according to your works. Rev 2:24 But to you I say, and to the rest in Thyatira, as many as do not have this doctrine, and who have not known the depths of Satan, as they speak, I will put on you no other burden.
Rev 2:25 But that which you have, hold fast until I come.
Rev 2:26 And he who overcomes and keeps My works to the end, to him I will give power over the nations.
It was becoming clear to me that God had a plan, and it involved gay people. She was killed by the eunuchs in the Old Testament, and they will again feature to remove her from the scene. Eunuchs are a prophetic type and shadow of the wider gay community. Isaiah recorded some powerful promises to the eunuchs who walk with God. I saw that for as long as we tolerate Jezebel, we will continue to be robbed as a whole.
I saw how that the Roman Centurion went to Jesus with the request to heal his “Pais”, his lover, which became translated as servant. I saw how the Gospel of Mark was modified to remove the accurate account of John Lazarus being raised from the dead. He was gay and it comes across in a number of clues. This portion was removed by an early church father, Clement of Alexandria and is today known as Secret Mark and can be researched at your own leisure.
I also saw how a book called Jasher, ch 18/19 gives a detailed account of what really happened at the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. And I was astounded to discover it had absolutely nothing to do with homosexuality. God judged them for their pride and lack of hospitality toward the poor and needy.
It was a very liberating journey thus far. It restored my confidence in my walk with God. God never judges us and pushes us away for any reason. But in 2005 things were going to change. And this was paving the way for the transformation I experienced during 2006 – 2008.
Sunday 13 September 2009
The Beginning of my journey
I became a Born again Christian at the tender age of 10 in 1975. As a young boy I have always been aware of God, and had a heart tender towards Him. I loved the Bible stories of Jesus and how He helped people, healed and fed them.
I grew up in a Pentecostal church in my home town in South Africa and when I reached my 20's, I switched to the Charismatic church in the city of Durban - the Durban Christian Center. I loved the wonderful worship, and the teachings sounded great.
I moved to Johannesburg in 1986 and in 1990 I was married to a wonderful wife. Together we served as worship leaders in our church. I was the pianist and singer, and she was a singer. Where ever we had an opportunity to contribute our time we did so. We attended seminars, workshops and conferences and it was our desire to serve and know God. Whatever came from the pulpits, we gladly received. After all, we were taught to submit to authority - even if they are wrong. If we questioned our leadership, we would be regarded as rebellious.
We studied the Bible, learned about the Tabernacle of David, read the books by Kenneth Hagin, Kenneth Copeland, I knew Kim Clement, and studied every possible topic you find under the sun.
Deep within me I had another struggle which I secretly battled with. I was gay and knew that since I was 14. But homosexuality is regarded as a sin by mainstream Christianity. I was condemned to hell and God regards them as an abomination. The Sr Pastor at DCC once said, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and everyone laughed in the congregation.
So I prayed and prayed and cried and believed for my deliverance to come from this abominable spirit of homosexuality. In 1999 my wife and I felt frustrated with our church. We felt we were working so hard and were so busy that we had no time to ourselves. And we resigned.
I felt spiritually I had exhausted all the available resources, and I also felt God was saying, that if I wanted to grow further spiritually, I needed to stop living a lie. I came out to my wife and we agreed to part peacefully. Within 6 months I was on my way to London. I had never intended to move to London, but God had a plan.
I grew up in a Pentecostal church in my home town in South Africa and when I reached my 20's, I switched to the Charismatic church in the city of Durban - the Durban Christian Center. I loved the wonderful worship, and the teachings sounded great.
I moved to Johannesburg in 1986 and in 1990 I was married to a wonderful wife. Together we served as worship leaders in our church. I was the pianist and singer, and she was a singer. Where ever we had an opportunity to contribute our time we did so. We attended seminars, workshops and conferences and it was our desire to serve and know God. Whatever came from the pulpits, we gladly received. After all, we were taught to submit to authority - even if they are wrong. If we questioned our leadership, we would be regarded as rebellious.
We studied the Bible, learned about the Tabernacle of David, read the books by Kenneth Hagin, Kenneth Copeland, I knew Kim Clement, and studied every possible topic you find under the sun.
Deep within me I had another struggle which I secretly battled with. I was gay and knew that since I was 14. But homosexuality is regarded as a sin by mainstream Christianity. I was condemned to hell and God regards them as an abomination. The Sr Pastor at DCC once said, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and everyone laughed in the congregation.
So I prayed and prayed and cried and believed for my deliverance to come from this abominable spirit of homosexuality. In 1999 my wife and I felt frustrated with our church. We felt we were working so hard and were so busy that we had no time to ourselves. And we resigned.
I felt spiritually I had exhausted all the available resources, and I also felt God was saying, that if I wanted to grow further spiritually, I needed to stop living a lie. I came out to my wife and we agreed to part peacefully. Within 6 months I was on my way to London. I had never intended to move to London, but God had a plan.
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